Inner Practice: Living Self Love

What is Self Love

Some of us think it is selfish to put ourselves first, to set limits on how much of our time, resources and attention we are going to give to others so that we have what we need to tend to and nourish ourselves. Part of this nourishing attention to ourselves is to take time to be more aware of our own internal experience, to figure out what we are feeling, to care about and prioritize our own needs, to become more masterful at recognizing our own assumptions, the meaning that we are making of whatever is or is not happening, to practice the art of pushing back of false beliefs and insecurities we may be feeling in any given moment and to mentor ourselves into making more empowered meaning.

It is not self-indulgent to take the time to create this loving relationship with yourself.

It is actually required.

Love by way of paying attention, love by way of creating new habits where you show up for yourself in healthy ways, where you give yourself whatever you need to help yourself to grow in the direction of your dreams. Investing yourself and becoming more self aware, more self-responsible and more self-respecting in general as the necessary foundation for creating happy, healthy love.

 

Living self love in a way that allows greater levels of well-being to start to show up in your relationships with others.

Authentic self-love is about how you relate to yourself. Authentic self-love has to do with cultivating a very solid, kind, rigorous, truth telling, responsible and respectful way of relating to yourself.

What is Not Self Love

Self-love is not necessarily something you feel all of the time nor is it a fleeting moment of self-indulgence where you just run out and spend more money on yourself than you actually have. It is not about loving yourself at the expense of others or not caring about how your choices and behaviour impact those around you. It is not about forgetting our responsibilities to others, but nor is it to be confused just with simple self-care practices, though self-care practices are definitely a way to express love and respect for ourselves. But loving yourself is actually more than that.

Self Love Test

To cultivate a clear vision of what authentic self-love actually is, this is a list of 20 ways of loving ourselves. Rate yourself from 0 to 5 for each of these traits of what I am saying looks like self-love in action.

0 is you never do this.

5 is you have got this, and you always do this.

 

So take this test and then wait for a week or two and come back to see if you have increased your numbers just by becoming more aware what needs to grow in your own relationship with yourself, cultivating humility to admit your mistakes, taking the risks of voicing your own perspectives or being willing to disappoint someone else in order to do right by yourself.

Begin showing up with greater levels of self awareness, self responsibility and self respect.

 

1.      You are aware of and you tend to your own feelings before you automatically begin accommodating the feelings of others.

2.      You are aware of and you tend to your own needs before you automatically begin accommodating the needs of others.

3.      You have a deep inner sense of knowing that you deserve to be loved by others just because you exist.

4.      When someone gives you negative feedback, you are open, willing and humble enough to look to discover what might be true about what they are saying, even if you feel a little insulted or upset.

5.      Your fundamental sense of value does not change according to the negative feedback you receive from others.

6.      Your self care towards your life is a high priority in your life.

7.      You accept yourself when you fail or make a mistake and look to see what you could learn from it.

8.      You take responsibility for breakdowns, and you look to discover yourself as the source of any and all difficult situations as the foundation for locating your power in life. You don’t just blame other people.

9.      You believe in yourself and you take action to implement your creative ideas without waiting for permission or for someone else to do it for you. You are not waiting for someone to come and rescue you.

10. You are self encouraging towards your own growth and development and moving yourself in the direction of your deepest callings.

11.  Your sense of self rarely sways according to the external approval or disapproval or acceptance or non acceptance that you are receiving.

12. You are more interested in discovering what is true than you are in being right.

13. You deal with conflicts straight on.

14. You make sure you understand the dynamics of reciprocity in a relationship before overgiving as a way to make sure that your giving stays healthy.

15. You are aware of your rights most of the time, and you make sure to fight for them when you need to.

16. You speak up when something is happening that you are uncomfortable with.

17. You offer your perspectives and opinions even when they differ from the perspectives and opinions of others.

18. You freely engage with others fully available to contribute by both listening and speaking, without adjusting to try to gain the approval of other people.

19. You are free to not know something without it meaning anything about you.

20. You are able to freely admit when you are wrong and make amends without making it mean anything about you or your value as a person.

Read more about my Bazi Fengshui, Mantra Healing, Space Cleansing here.

Basics of TCM, TCM(Traditional Chin Med), Inner Practice, Being HumanXiang Jun LimDr (TCM) Xiang Junacupuncture, healing, tcm, inner practice, meditation, self love