At this age, when people hear I am single and don’t have children, you can sense an awkward pause. Followed by the looks of pity and confusion. The same one you would give someone who just told you their house burned down.

Some well-meaning people assume that there is a secret sadness behind what they think of as a choiceless destiny.

But not having marriage and children is not a tragedy I quietly tolerate.

My life without a husband and children isn’t incomplete.

It is just a different path.

Let’s Talk about Words and Traditions

Words like “single”, “childless” sound to many that something is missing, that paints me as incomplete. Worse, it is as if writing about this on blog is a declaration for availability for marriage proposals and an announcement for egg freezing referrals asap. As if I am waiting for something to happen, for some missing piece of my life puzzle to arrive.

Those words suggest absence, like a void that needs to be filled.

There is this societal weird, skewed view that if a woman doesn’t have husband or kids, your life must be less joyful or simply, less full. People say things like, “Oh, you’ll regret it later when you are old,” or “You’re missing out on the greatest joy life has to offer.” As if joy is a one-size-fits-all phenomenon, with marriage and motherhood perched on their golden pedestal, the only trophy worth winning.

In feudal folk traditions, there is even the saying that to be single and childless signifies lack of blessings in a woman’s life. As if blessings come only from husband and children and that without them is a life full of bad luck. If marriage and having children truly offer women blessings, I wonder why divorce rates these days are on high acceleration and birth rates are on accelerated decelerations.

Not Being In Marriage or Parenthood Isn’t a Statement Against Them

One of the most exhausting assumptions people make is that because I am single and do not have kids, I am somehow rejecting the ideas of marriage and parenting. Or worse, that I am silently judging those who have chosen them.

But my life is not a protest. I am not against marriage. I am not against parenthood.

This isn’t a manifesto against confetti, wedding dresses, strollers and soccer practice. This isn’t me saying, “Oh, you shouldn’t get married. No you shouldn’t have kids.”

It is more of me saying, “My life path is different from yours.”

The Unspoken Expectations of Womanhood

If there is one thing society loves to push on women, it is the narrative that we are too weak to survive being single and unmarried and that motherhood is our ultimate destiny. This is total BS, especially in this day and age. Here’s why:

Judgement and Truth of Women Singlehood

Being single as a woman often gets frowned upon. Especially in male-dominated cultures where women heavily rely on men. Women are told we are weak and vulnerable and need the protection of males.

But throughout all of history, women have broken free from the shackles of our society. Men have tried to suppress our power in various ways, but we’ve always come out stronger. The witches were burnt because men couldn’t handle their wisdom. Female bodies in the Middle East are being covered in burqas, mainly to not provoke men. All over the world, women have been — and continue to be — seen as less.

But the Wise Woman archetype has never been defeated.

“The great problem of our time is that we do not understand what is happening to the world. We seek reason, but we must seek the soul — and the soul is feminine.” — Carl Jung

Feminine energy is the most sacred thing that can be offered by women. As the saying goes, “Behind every successful man there is a woman.” For the feminine energy is the divine energy that nurtures everything around it, including the masculine energy. As a matter of fact, the masculine flourishes through harvesting on feminine energy for their success.

In a family unit, the pillar of the family is the mother and not the father. The feminine supports silently for everything to run smoothly on the outer physical. The reverberations of the absence of the feminine in family not just impacts the physical, but the emotional and mental make-up of the family unit. Ask any child who has their mother pass on or left them early on in their life and you will see how detrimental the impact can be on all levels for the rest of their life, not just the physical aspect that is easily fulfilled by the masculine.

Having said that, society teaches us that women’s worth is directly connected to our relationship status and that is exactly the kind of lie to keep us repeating our chase for relationship to keep the patriarchy alive and well by siphoning on the sacred feminine energy. However when a woman decides to stop trying to find a partner and instead find a purpose and invest her divine feminine energy into herself, her life got better almost immediately. This is the power of feminine energy. And singlehood protects it.

Judgement and Truth of Women Motherhood

From the moment we are old enough to cradle a doll, women are fed the notion that motherhood is the natural culmination of our existence, a rite of passage that finally makes us “whole.”

And if you don’t walk that path? Well, society loves to call that “sad” and even “selfish”. But it is an old relic, dragged from an era when a woman’s worth was measured by her ability to breed. And while we have mostly evolved beyond that mindset, the shadow still lingers.

But here is the dirty secret society refuses to acknowledge: motherhood, while a valid path, is not the only one.

And there is the narrative that goes like this: you might be happy now, but when you are old, when it’s too late, the regret will settle in.

I don’t buy it.

My life isn’t an empty canvas waiting for children to give it colour. It is full, vibrant and textured, brimming with projects that fuel me, and experiences that expand my world.

Fulfilment looks different for everyone. For some, it is raising kids. For others, it is pouring passion into career, travelling, creating art, or nurturing friendships. My life is rich with purpose, not because I have followed the traditional path, but because I have followed my own.

It’s Time for a New Story

We need to tell more diverse stories about what it means to live a good life. Stories that don’t assume one path is better than another. Stories that celebrate the richness of human experience.

My story, and the stories of others who are single and have no children, aren’t tragedies. They are different.

There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to happiness. For some, joy is found in the laughter of kids filling the house. For others, it is found in a quiet morning spent alone, writing and reading into the silence of the night, or pack up and set out to explore the world anytime. It is time we make space for all these stories.

Perhaps that’s the real narrative shift we need.

To Everything There is a Season

Things happen for a season. And while I am single and childless now, it does not mean my heart is closed to the possibilities of the opposite. If not I would have fallen into the category of the rigidity and stupidity of being dead sure about everything that life can bring.

But if the shift was indeed to come, I am aware that my energy is the most sacred thing I can give. Hence I’m not willing to waste it on people and drama that will deplete me.

My Love Story

Just because my path is different from what the society markets as “happy and whole” by having a family of 2.5 kids does not discount my purpose, inner fulfillment and joy. I am not wandering through life seeking something to give it meaning. I have already found my meaning in other places.

So no, my singlehood and childlessness are not tragedy.

I am busy building life and legacies of my own.

And that is my love story.

Book Appointment

Further Reading:

Healer’s Curse

You Do Not Want Love, Actually

Tolerance is Strength

Trauma is your Expansion

Strength of Patience

Reincarnation

Trust